Life

I’ve been a bad, bad girl

So, Friday started off pretty terribly.  I had a parenting crisis and it started a whole crap spiral of stress, depression, and stress eating.  I won’t go into the gory details because my kid deserves privacy, but by 8:30 Friday morning I was a hot mess.

I started the stress eating cycle with a “real” coffee…the kind that costs nearly $5 and comes loaded with syrups and whipped cream.  That might have been redeemable, but I followed it up the rest of the weekend with pastas, bread, fries, chips, dip, brownies, cheesecake, hamburgers, hot dogs and every other imaginable food I should NOT BE EATING.

I figured, “What the hell?  I already started the weekend off on a bad note, I might as well finish strong and unhealthy.”  UGH.

Here I am today – ashamed, miserable, in pain, and realizing none of it was worth it.  I know better ways to deal with stress and I should have used them.  I made excuses.  I could have (and should have): 1) prayed, 2) gone for a run, and/or 3) reached out to a friend.  Instead, I fell into old coping devices and blamed my poor food choices on being busy, away from home, and at parties.

I am not going to beat myself up too much because I am still new to eating low carb & whole food for life.  However, I am not going to call this weekend a “slip up,” either…it was very much a series of choices.  I made the decision to put each and every item into my mouth and I could have made the right choices.

Today is a new day and I think it might even be a fasting day.  I need a cleanse physically and spiritually.  I will never be perfect, but I am not going to stop trying to be the best me I can be.

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2 thoughts on “I’ve been a bad, bad girl

  1. Guilt is garbage girl! We all have make bad choices here and there. Its correcting ourselves and moving forward with the great choices we can make! Keep rocking it girl. You have definitely inspired me 🙂

  2. Since I have finished my 30 day challenge and I’m going to eat this way for the rest of my life, it feels like a very long time to be so careful about my foods. I WANT to do it, but I also might want a break too. But the break costs me with how I feel. I had Chinese take out, very good choices at the place too, but the salt or MSG or whatever bloated me for the whole weekend. I felt AWFUL, not as bad as my life before, but getting there. I still have 3 extra pounds from the bloat. So I discovered feeling awful like that is a trigger for bad foods, maybe the sugar kick that makes me feel better temporarily? Such a vicious cycle. I had ice cream last night, which isn’t a bad thing, except when you think what the heck? Why not. I need to more carefully think about my treats, or something. I need to channel my great-grandmothers who really seemed to enjoy their one of something a day. For my Nana it was one beer per night. For my Little Mama it was one cup of coffee per morning. They were very matter of fact about it and didn’t phrase as “can’t.: It was more like, “this is what I do” and they took pleasure in it. It was a routine for them…. I’m wishing for a routine, or something like them. Still figuring it out. I can’t put my finger on the attitude/lifestyle part of it. Almost there but thinking about food too much, I guess.

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